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Sunday, July 16th, 2006
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10:13 pm
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| Friday, March 17th, 2006
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4:02 pm
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i cant believe my life anymore. Im basically earased completly from los angeles. ive never felt so weak and so scared in my entire life. everything is to real and too painful and im out of existance. goodbye to love goodbye to feeling emotion everything, i've been forced to say goodbye.
current mood: fucking so insane
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| Friday, March 3rd, 2006
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12:38 am
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so a battle has overcome the tiny little face that stares out of a small window. the freeway bangs in the background and the creature puts hands over her narrow eyes that allow sight. the mind is lowered into a tough pillow filled with rocks and nails. sweat dribbles down the sides of her neck and she chokes on every modern verdict. concrete is drawn on by chalk and face paint is all over her hands when suddenly the imagine of the rain conceals this moment. sweet songs from birds are laughed at and ridiculed, although she can't help but wonder on certainty. she sips the fruits of many others before she stood, but this is destruction from the brain of a crazy doll. she will lay to rest, but dreams of nothing more then finally reaching her inner air, for that is where she will exhale.
current mood: shitty
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| Sunday, February 19th, 2006
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8:41 pm
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| Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
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12:34 am
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it's so hard to be someplace but to dream of another
life.
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| Monday, January 23rd, 2006
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12:00 am
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| Friday, January 13th, 2006
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2:20 pm
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MY EXISTANCE
p.s.
This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me
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| Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
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3:12 pm
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sometimes you learn the hard way. like through a reality check or an honest mistake. i've never actually felt so low about something after some time has past. i wonder if i'm learning to cope, or if i'm learning to fail. i want excitment and fun and i think part of that makes me fear letting go of things that stay stuck in my chest. i want to think this could be easier and faster, but it's like with each step i take i fall behind without ever viewing anything concrete. does moving on follow moving away? i don't want to be caught up in questions and fears, but i find myself deranging each situation just to know if my feelings stand strong. i love each day but hurt each moment. i guess life feels weird at times i guess this is expected. just stay and leave and be here and be gone, all together at the same time.
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| Monday, December 26th, 2005
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11:07 am
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it would be different if i never existed. it wouldn't hurt it wouldn't question. now if i simply wonder about your world, my chest gets heavy and the words turn to tears. i give thanks to things i've learned but i'm unsure if anything produces purpose. when built on new- things fall to easy categories, when difted to shame- these times place burden. i can not sit back and dream away like perfection is simply untouchable, but if i sike my thoughts to thinking in beauty- things derange to concepts of enjoyment. some call me foolish, sincere, some envy, some forget, but in the end i'm just passing by slowly and quickly to the finish line, staying in this moment just isn't a choice anymore...
current mood: awake
current music: bright eyes- first day of my life
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| Saturday, December 10th, 2005
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9:09 pm
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if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied.
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| Friday, December 9th, 2005
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8:33 pm
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sometimes i guess you're just forced to cut the chains and fucking learn to live.
current mood: optimistic
current music: the unicorns
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| Friday, November 25th, 2005
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8:34 pm
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cease_to_amaze's journal